Friday, September 9, 2011

the lost dreamer

Dreams always had a very strong influence on me. As a kid I used to be dreaming of darkness, of  the ghosts, of fright and horror. I dont dream about it now but still afraid.
Then there was a very destructive phase when I use to dream of strategies, dream of saving the country through war, battles and blood. I think that was the effect of the history books they taught in the school.  Sometimes those strategies made me fear too.
 I wrote about the Mumbai train blasts strategy just the way it was in my dream. I could see myself seeing the news telecast of the blasts sitting in a hotel opposite to Taj in Mumbai. I even wrote about it as it was fresh in my head. (post one- post two)
With college came a period of ideas- ideas to change the world, change the things around me and so many of them I really executed and they were just perfect. Along with that came the exams in College- I was revising the topics and chapters in my dreams, sometimes even those things which I have not read. I was surprised by the way brain works during those days.

I still dream, dreams have always been very strong and have influenced me. Somehow from a few months this dreams have changed to a period of no sensibilities. It is over work or thinking in the same direction continuously is creating this issue, maybe. It is because of being at one place and following a routine, maybe. It is because of not meeting or conversing with people as much as I used to, maybe.

What do I dream now?
I sleep because I want to sleep, but I dream.
I dream of working, I dream of creating reports and sending it to HQ, I dream of deadlines, I dream of paying of the over-due rents, I dream of.........

The difference, the gap has become so thin. The reality is now like the tides in the sea trying to reach the untouched sun-dry sands on the shore and taking my dreams with it.

This leads to almost not sleeping - I dont remember the last time I slept.
I want to sleep.
I want to be away from all this and sleep.

I want to sleep and dream the dreams the way I used to dream.